Shocked! To Surrender

confusedmom

“I am constantly shocked that I am shocked that things go shockingly different than I ever imagined.” — me

Story of my life.

As a mother of a child of trauma, I have suffered innumerable shocking moments. I do shock a little better now (16 years later), but I still get blindsided from time to time and am forced to let go of pre-conceived visions of, well, everything.

That’s hard for someone who hates conflict (and surprises) and has, over the years, worked very hard to control her world and everyone in it.

Recently, a shocking experience, once again, shocked me from the illusion of control into the rest of surrender. And I was shocked at the outcome.

My child of trauma was still doing make-up schoolwork on the last day of school.

Really?

And I was shocked to discover that he might not graduate from high school. I was also shocked to discover that my child never really believed he was going to graduate at all and had pretty much thrown in the towel in regards to school weeks before.

How was I going to shift my expectation to reflect my new reality?

The beautiful moment came when I surrendered to what was–and my child’s teachers did not. They picked up where I let go. We were out of time and without options when some crazy-awesome teachers pulled something shockingly strong out of their school-weary souls and carried my child to the finish line.

There’s the lesson. When we are willing to surrender, there is a gift at the end of our struggle. It’s not always the rescue we envision, but there is a gift nonetheless. And we are always shocked by it.

Forget the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Today, let’s be aware that our surrender is the pathway to a shocking gift that is waiting just beyond our control.

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